Blogger: Stories We Tell Ourselves

As I (Nicole Nenninger) was beginning to think about what I’d write about for this article, a fleeting thought crossed my mind: “I’m not in the right state of mind for writing.”  I could honor that thought, or I could examine it for what it was–a belief that I have to be in the right frame of mind in order to produce the perfect article.  You can see I chose the latter–that I held an ineffective and disempowering belief, and that I could choose at any moment to change it.

What ineffective beliefs and stories do you hold about your own talents, yourself, your history and experiences? Do you believe you are attractive, successful, loving, kind, generous…?  Do you believe you are a victim?  You’ll know when you examine your stories about yourself and about your life.  You play the role of victim if you believe it is always someone else’s fault or you expect someone or something to rescue you.  When you become the hero/heroine of your life, you believe you are 100% responsible for your thoughts, words, and actions.  Now that's powerful!  

Think about all the beliefs that are present in your life.  Do you believe the best of yourself or the worst?  Do your beliefs help or hurt you?  Disempowering beliefs are not supportive, loving, and compassionate toward yourself yet this is what is most common in society.  Do you blame your parents for how you turned out in life? Does that help or hurt you? Do you blame your ex for all your woes?  Do you have underlying beliefs about money or success that sabotage your ability to live a great life?  How are your health or relationships affected by the beliefs you hold about yourself?   

When I went through my divorce, I was initially resistant to the idea that my beliefs were perpetuating the unhappiness about my break-up.  Until I changed my beliefs about the situation, nothing was going to change.  When I did, everything changed.  So much so, that I went on to receive my Master's degree in psychology and I also wrote three books on divorce, Transforming Divorce--How to Get Back on Track and Create a Life You Love, the Transforming Divorce Workbook.

If you'd like some help changing your beliefs, Don Nenninger’s book, Change Your Story, Change Your Life talks about the stories we tell ourselves.  If your stories are ineffective and disempowering, you can change them.   First, you have to be aware of what they are.  What are your stories and beliefs about your childhood, relationships, parenting, work, and success?  Are they effective?  Are they enhancing your life or causing some major challenges?  Take some time to reflect on what your beliefs are.  Do they provide an excuse for not living your life to the fullest?  Then it’s time to change them!  

For more tips on how to live a better life, visit our websites at personaldevelopment.me, donnenninger.com, and nicolenenninger.com.