The Dish: Five Guys Burger is Sloppy Yet Satistfying

Diet? What diet? You didn’t come to Five Guys because you care about your waistline so just get your butt down to the new location off of Route 347 in Port Jefferson Station for a burger. The toppings are free but the calories are not so don’t ruin your experience by counting them. Just go in ignorant and come out stuffed.

The Dish: Cheeseburger ($5.79)

What’s in it: Beef burger. Cheese. Choice of free toppings.

How does it taste: Like a big juicy burger right from the kitchen of someone who really likes hamburgers. We’re talking Wimpyesque proportions. They give you plenty of choices of free toppings. We picked lettuce, tomato, grilled mushrooms and ketchup. But you can also put on mayo, grilled onions, mustard, relish, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, A-1 sauce, barbeque sauce, hot sauce or regular onions. All the toppings are free.

This thing is a burger’s burger. You may even call it the burgermeister. It’s big, gooey and practically falls apart as you eat it. And the more toppings you put on, the harder it is to hold it together into any cohesive form whatsoever. You might be the type of person who thinks of this as a detriment to the burger eating experience. If so, then McDonalds or the local diner may be more your style but if you like a homemade burger of the kind Eddie Murphy once ridiculed in his stand up routine, then this place heaven sent.

What else: One interesting note is that your order comes in a paper bag. There’s a sense of pared down, hominess to the way they serve their food. In fact, the paper bag sort of comes to you looking like it was pre-crumpled somehow. But don’t throw it away, because the paper bag also serves double duty as your placemat.

The napkins evoke the same feel. They’re not those pre-folded, logo embossed napkins you see at many chains. Five Guys gives you square napkins we all have in our homes and get from the grocery store, dispensed in a tall, stainless steel holder. Advice: Please remember the napkins; you’re going to need them.

Also, they give you free peanuts. Yeah, peanuts. Not sure why because I never associated peanuts with burgers. They do make sense in the way that peanuts come in a natural package design that harkens back to a simpler time in the same way Five Guys strives for with its red blocks and generic, warehouse look and feel to the store.

Sides: Big cuts of salty fries ($2.89).